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[hachimaki]

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TEXT --> GAIUS (mafiaverse)

[hachimaki]

[the setting is: fucking 11:30 at night]

Hey. You're up?

[hachimaki]

Wait, don't answer that. Of course you are.

[?????]

[stickyfingers]

ur just fuckin lucky that i had my cell on silent otherwise itd b real awk r/n

im inside some ladys house shes asleep an i cant find where shes hidin her sparklies

[hachimaki]

Her "sparklies"? [are you fucking kidding me.]

Is it that rich-looking bitch who cut you off on your moped the other day.

[stickyfingers]

sparklies. u kno
earrings neclaces bracelets
anythin that glitters and can b sold

also she cut me off on my motorcycle
motorcycle

sup


[hachimaki]

I knew what you meant; it just sounded code for something else entirely you might try to 'take'.
...you leave these women unviolated in their beds, correct? Consent is sexy, Gaius. [I DON'T THINK THAT AT ALL LMAO]

Yeah, I still don't get the difference between the two.

[stickyfingers]

like id sneak into a ladys house 2 scratch n itch like that
im charmin enough 2 get it w/o sneakin round [YOU GET OUT OF HERE WITH YOUR WHORE REMARKS.]

easy
1 is 4 getting 2 places
the other is 4 getting 2 places w/style

[hachimaki]

...You can take a barbaric thing and make it sound so much worse with two simple words. It's downright skillful.
And you're not charming, you're a liar. There's a difference.

I've seen flying boats. Two wheels on the ground isn't that impressive anymore.
Are you just standing in the middle of her hallway texting me? Lol.

[stickyfingers]

most charmers are liars, its called bein able 2 turn a phrase even if u aint

...

yeah i am
wherever shes hidin her shit shes hidin it good
im bored w/this
im just going 2 raid her kitchen an leave

u doin anythin lol

[hachimaki]

No, there's natural charm and there's lying charm. You're acquainted with the latter, but natural charm comes from someone who possesses inherently attractive qualities.
Someone who listens, makes eye contact, smiles, responds positively and with humor.
You know exactly one person like this.

Ah, you're giving up? I'm ashamed to be in your company.
No. I'm all out of new books to read for now, and I haven't replinished my supply because of the weather. [THE RARE SOBERSUGI APPEARS]

[stickyfingers]

[Give him a second to think.

Or maybe he got caught, or maybe his phone dies. Who knows, he goes quiet for three minutes.]

[stickyfingers]

ur talkin about tiki rite

[Who the fuck else could it be, he can't think of anyone like that.]

u'd give up 2, 4 all i kno she's hiding that shit between her mattresses and im not goin in there

...

sober, huh. [what a rare occurrence, he'll have to mark it on his calendar.] bored of this shit. want some company?


[hachimaki]

[HDU I WAS TALKING ABOUT ME]

...Yeah, Tiki.

...

Sure. I'm not consoling your pride after an unfinished job, though.

[stickyfingers]

[YEAH, EXACTLY WHY HE SAID TIKI.]

not unfinished
just put on hold
ill come back when the craven hag is @ work

anythin u want me 2 grab on the way

[hachimaki]

There's the dedication I need to see.

Mmmm, she got any books? Swipe a few books.
No trashy romances.

[stickyfingers]

i thought u liked trashy romances

she has two book shelves

im just going 2 throw a whole row in2 my bag

whatever u dont want just burn idk

[hachimaki]

Why would I like trashy romances. Linguistic interpretations of love are ignorant and the topic doesn't interest me. [I DOOOOOOOOO]

Okay. Get food. You paid last time so I've got it. No french fries allowed; I hung out with Drei yesterday.

[stickyfingers]

...huh
iunno
i guess i just got the idea from somewhere
maybe i had a really weird dream where u were readin some romance novel idk

and man what the hell
i mean my diet isnt the best @ all i kno that
but with all the trash feathers eats

how are his guts not rebellin out of his belly yet

[hachimaki]

That's an uncomfortable thought, don't tell me that.

I have a theory that Americans gained a mutated genome that allows them to ingest horrific scum.
But I mean. I'm sure you piss straight caramel too.

[stickyfingers]

bite ur tongue i do not
id never b able to look @ caramel again if that were true

...

its late as shit and there's hardly anythin open

how does deli sandwiches sound

[hachimaki]

Is that right? I figured you'd just try to arc the stream towards your face. It'd be like a renewable resource.

Fine. Turkey, spinach, tomato, extra pickle, mayo, mustard. Wheat. Or if they have like... seedy or oaty bread. The good stuff. If you get me rye, I'll punch your esophagus.
There's some Yakult chilled but if you don't want that or water/tea/coffee, grab a drink.

[stickyfingers]

id have 2 be about to die of thirst in the middle of a plegian desert 2 even consider such a thing

...isnt rye oaty bread jesus christ ur harder 2 please than most women
aight ill be by in like
half an hour

...

do u have any sugar? i can do coffee but it needs sugar.

[hachimaki]

...Drinking your own piss would just dehydrate you more, Gaius. I thought you were a survivalist.

It's fucking rye. No one likes rye, not even women.
And yeah Tiki bought some last time she went shopping. [aka it's been in the cupboard for 3 months]

[stickyfingers]

just tells u 1 thing
ive never had 2 drink my own fuckin piss

...
whatever they have honey oat ur gettin that
u can keep ur weird vendetta w/rye bread after all

also aight chill coffee it is then

[hachimaki]

I'll put a pot on.
Door's open, Crook.